Instead of having a range of clothing to fit.
Wow, this is a big one. Hardening up by drinking a cup of concrete to have this conversation with you.
I want to talk about relationships again. This time, my relationship with food.
All my life I have been plagued by wanting to drop a few kilos. Sometimes more than a few.
For as long as I can remember I have been on the chunky side. ‘Fat’ is a label my brother gave me as a child and I returned the insult by calling him an ‘idiot’. Teen siblings tend to use whatever weapons are available. ‘Tubby’ was a term of endearment my father gave me as a child and my mother made sure I knew I couldn’t wear a bikini – it wouldn’t suit my body type. Apparently, I was born fat. So, I have spent my entire life striving to be thin! Thin so I could wear all the things I was told I could not wear, thin so I could fit in with all the cool girls at school. Thin so I would not be called fat. Who knows why? (I think I know now) But that’s what I did.
In my bid to release 10 kilos (and I’m conscious many people have this battle over many more kilos), I have tried every diet on the planet. Seriously, EVERY diet and fad going. Here, check this out: lemon diet, Scarsdale, WW, lite-n-easy, pills, Herbalife, Isagenix, fat blaster pills, juice fasts, raw food, water fasts and more. I’ve sweated out water in saunas, wrapped my body in glad wrap and done all kinds of ridiculous things so I could see a lower number on the scales.
I could always lose the weight, and then regain it faster than you can snap your fingers!
I can hide weight on my body too. I know all the styling rules and I’ve employed them over the years to fake what’s really going on with my body. I am the master of illusion when it comes to looking good. I have a PHD in that!
So back on topic. I have had a lifetime of keeping three different sizes in my wardrobe. Always some beautiful pieces that didn’t fit. Cue another bloody diet to shake off 3-5 kilos and get into that fabulous skirt or jeans. Seriously, that’s how I have lived my life. Everyone does. Right?
What I never took into account was how I behaved around food. In July 2018 I was introduced to a program that deals with food addiction. It was totally a ‘universe’ or a ‘God’ job. What I learned is that my brain is wired a little differently to most people. One in 10 humans on the planet have issues with addiction. Some have only one or two, others have a heap of them. We have a fine selection to choose from: alcohol, drugs, sugar, flour, quantities in food, shopping, control, meddling, hoarding etc etc etc. This is the quiz I took to determine how my brain is wired when it comes to food.
Of course, over-eating is not always related to addiction issues. Some people eat from boredom, emotion, grief, depression, upset or stress . There are so many reasons. I’m sharing MY journey and have no judgement on YOU, so take it easy sailor.
Around the same time last year, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and told I was ‘overweight’ for this condition. I was promptly instructed by a specialist to release 10kg off my 160cm (or 5ft 3in in the old language) frame. I did NOT think I had THAT much weight to lose and I was a bit cranky, to put it mildly.
So, what happened? I applied the principles I learned by putting bright lines around my food. I released the weight and I have been living with only ONE size in my wardrobe for the past year. I’ve gone from 69kg to 59kg and have been stable for over a year. This is amazing for me. I would never have thought it was possible and would not have believed it if you told me yourself. My endocrinologist checked out my food plan and said ‘keep doing this – your blood tests are amazing. I don’t need to see you until next year. You are so on track!’
What’s amazing about this is that I don’t have ‘fat’ or ‘skinny’ clothes because everything fits. There is tremendous freedom for ME knowing that it all fits. I only had to buy new jeans as I was able to have the rest of it altered to fit.
I don’t crave all the food I used to eat. My palette and brain have been retrained. I’m not on a diet. I have a new lifestyle. One day at a time I eat three meals a day. No pills, no shakes, no fasting, no diets. I no longer look to food for a high. It’s just food. It’s a lifestyle change and mostly, I have peace around food. I don’t have to starve to wear a bikini. I just open the drawer, take it out and put it on, knowing it will fit and look good. That, to me, is a bloody miracle.
I understand addiction and I come with a great deal of compassion. One of my wise elders once said to me “Those who bear the mark of pain are never really free, they owe a debt to those who still suffer. What appears to be an end, is always a beginning”
If you are interested to explore a new beginning for yourself in this arena, click here for a free 30 minute image audit.